I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
