i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
