he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize