Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm just crazy horny about you
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
