i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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