Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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