Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
