no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
