take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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