I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
