You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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