He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
