obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
