He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
