true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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