I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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