i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
