id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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