did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
