i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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