I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
