she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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