May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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