VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
