so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
