theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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