; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
