i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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