That's when you crack a 10am beer
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
