it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
