Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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