and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
