Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
