Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
