She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
