im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize