I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
