why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
