I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
zippers are such a cool invention
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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