I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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