i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
