Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
