I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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