I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
