he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
