Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
