My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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