i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
