They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
