Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
