God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
