Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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