I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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