I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
