Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
