Will you blow on my dice?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
