Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize