I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
