I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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