Your favorite bartender is back from prision
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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