It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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